How to get over a friendship breakup?
Imagine your best friend… the person you trust the most… someone who always has your back… someone you constantly talk to… someone who you never get bored with… someone who’s seen you at your best and at your worst… if you’re lucky, you might have one person that fits the description… in rare occasions, you might have a few…
Now imagine if I told you that one day, you and that friend will stop speaking… what would you say? You will probably tell me I’m crazy! I would have had the same reaction a few weeks ago if you had told me that Mea would disappear from my life faster than the Anglo-Zanzibar War in 1896 which ended in less than 45 minutes! I would have cursed you and told you that what we had was unbreakable… and it was… at least that’s what I thought before I realized that I’ve been walking through life with a knife plunged in my back!
Before you get excited about some potential tea and gossip material, let me stop you there! I’m not going to dive into what happened! Long story short, I was betrayed, lied to and manipulated like a ventriloquist doll. The details of how that happened are irrelevant! The purpose of what you’re reading is to understand the pain that comes with losing a friend. This pain comes in a few different stages
- Denial: The old good joker card that you and I rely on whenever the sky becomes grey. I love denial! And who doesn’t?? imagine transporting yourself to a space where your problems don’t exist, life is great and everyone magically gets along! This stage is essential in any healing problems as it helps you reminisce on the past and taste the happiness that you experienced! It helps you keep it alive for as long as you can before you have to face reality! Many of you might think that it’s unhealthy to go through this stage! But for me, it’s like that shower you take before you jump in the pool! Sometimes you might think you don’t need it, but it’s better to do and avoid any risks. Processing a loss through denial (that is finite because you don’t wanna get stuck there) will help you process your emotions by realizing that even though shit got ugly, there’s still a past to keep in mind while moving forward
- Doubt: This is a sucky sucky stage. After putting someone on a pedestal for so long, you see perfection in them! Even though you don’t believe in perfection, you see it in them no matter what because they only bring sunlight and joy into your world! Yet you were wrong? You thought you were a good judge of character! You thought that no one could fool you into thinking they were worth your friendship and time! You thought that this person respected your boundaries and values! You thought that this person would never deliberately lie to you or manipulate you! Yet all of that shit was dumped on you! If you were wrong about this person, could you be wrong about everyone else? Maybe they all are waiting for the chance to spit in your face! LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE!! This is a dangerous area and you need to stop! LIFE SUCKS! In endless ways! and this is the least of them! So suck it up and don’t let one bad friend make you doubt everything you believe in! Friendship and romantic love are basically the same (except the sex part… I hope)! You share your vulnerability with a person knowing that one day you might get hurt! It’s simply the circle of life (it’s not but I just felt like using those words)
- Pain: Not much to tell you here! You will be sad for days on end… you will know why for most of it and some of it you will wonder why you’re sad! You will find it difficult to enjoy the beautiful moments in life! Again, life is a bitch… you just have to suck it up until time makes it better! But don’t try to suppress or ignore your pain as it could turn into anger and resentment! You’re an adult, you need to manage your feelings like one! Revenge and dramatic expressions of anger are so high school! if you are in high school, go at it! So don’t lower yourself to that level! Also please don’t start posting shady stories on Instagram to send subliminal messages! And most importantly, don’t write an article about it on your blog and post it for everyone to read your deepest thoughts!!
- Healing: You probably saw this one coming… it’s evident… it might take a month or two.. it might even take a few years… but you can’t let this give you trust issues! It will be like poison for all your future (romantic and PLATONIC) relationships! If you’re a decent person, you deserve trustworthy friendships that will always help you achieve newer heights! If you’re an asshole, you probably brought it on yourself so go to therapy and figure your shit out! Even a decent person should go to therapy… I mean EVERYONE, go see the nearest therapist if you can afford it! Healing can present itself in two ways; the first is not caring about this person but wanting to forever keep a long distance, and the second is not caring as well but being indifferent about seeing your ex-friend! You just keep a formal and cold distance by politely saying hello and moving forward with your life
If you asked me whether I regret giving this friendship so much of myself, I wouldn’t be able to answer you! I have quite a hypocritical relationship with regret! On one hand, I firmly believe that each deception is a lesson so our experiences shape our personalities! On the other hand, I wish I weren’t so stupid to make the mistake of trusting a person who isn’t worthy of my time or trust! I will close with a random fact that I hope could be helpful in the future; PLATONIC LOVE IS REAL
