Why everyone assumes I’m dating my best friend?
Blessed..that’s the word that pops in my mind when I think of the unyielding support system that I have. Friends to the true meaning of the word. They make me feel like I’m the richest person in the world.
I’m not going to lie or pretend that it was a piece of cake getting to that point. If one is not willing to invest and learn from past mistakes, one cannot reach that level. I remember a time in my life where I thought I was surrounded by a group of people that would be in my life forever, yet now we communicate through occasional likes on our social media posts. It’s so difficult to work on a friendship yet it’s so easy to see it fall apart. However, we live in a world where there are many misconceptions of what it truly means to be a friend. There are endless movies and TV shows that highlight romantic relationships while very few dedicate screen time exclusively for a beautiful friendship. Even the popular sitcoms that seem to be centered around friendship end up focusing more on the romance and drama that comes along with it.
Let’s make it clear, I know I’m no authority on what friendships should be like and it’s not like the cast of “Friends” died and left me in charge. However, I feel confident enough with the little life experience I have to briefly talk about the topic. To elaborate, I will juxtapose my first best friend to my current one through the lessons I learned in the process.
The first tough truth that I had to learn the hard way while making friends is that no friendship will ever be 100% balanced or symmetrical. You can never expect to love a friend as much as they love you. It will always be skewed (sometimes in your favor and sometimes not) and that’s totally FINE! To expect otherwise is very unhealthy for a friendship. That means that you are only willing to give as much as you will potentially receive and those expectations will only be met by disappointment. Whether in love, time, or (I hope not) gifts, this equation will only hurt your self-esteem and will set a time clock on that friendship. That’s why I believe in unconditional love even between friends as this type of love is not exclusive to romantic relationships. Unfortunately, there’s a little hidden trap to keep an eye for. If the friendship is too skewed, you have to realize that and not let yourself be taken for granted. The only way to easily identify that line is to lose friends, get hurt, and learn from your mistakes.
The second tough truth is that “charity” friendship is worse than acquaintanceship. You should never be friends with people because you feel bad for them or you pity them. In the long run, you will end up hurting them more than you can possibly fathom. Friends are supposed to make us feel good about ourselves without being the exclusive supplier of that feeling. In charity friendships, you set yourself up for failure as your “friend” that you feel so bad for will constantly struggle by being in your shadow making it difficult for them to adapt and survive in other social contexts.
These two anchors existed in my first best friend who was not only a childhood friend but the person I trusted the most. It took a while to figure out by looking back at it as an adult but that friendship kept me from coming out of my shell and no longer feeling socially awkward. I remember it distinctively when in September 2012, I was called out for being socially inappropriate while being on exchange in the U.S. That was the day I cried my eyes out and decided to learn how to be a good friend before expecting that from others.
Fast forward to today, my best friends lift me up by telling me the truth. We tackle our differences with mutual understanding and emotional intelligence. We understand that we sometimes need space and we embrace each other for that. That’s why we need to invest in friendships as much as we do in romantic relationships as they are both a potential source of abundant love ❤
The point I want to conclude with is in regards to societal reinterpretations of platonic love. When I recently posted a picture of me hugging one of my best friends, everyone on my social media assumed that we were in a relationship and I got dozens of messages of happy wishes for us. This brought me back to my freshman year when people also thought I was dating my best friend because of how much we cared for each other. It doesn’t matter if this friend is male or female, people always assume romance is involved just because I express that platonic love physically. It didn’t take much to see this once rumors and gossip started flowing. To be frank, that’s very sad…it means that it’s commonly understood in this world that feeling love or physical warmth is contingent on being in a romantic relationship. I wish I can show you what you’re missing out on if you believe in that. But let us all stop assuming and labeling every form of love we see as romantic because there are so many types of love that you haven’t even experienced yet. Just start expressing yourself and break down those silly walls that come in the way of that.
